What was going on when I was born?

Secretary of Defense Caspar W. Weinberger said today that the Reagan Administration wanted to do everything it could to improve Saudi Arabian defenses and would treat with sympathy any request by Israel for stationing of American forces on Israeli territory, although he said he regarded such a step as hypothetical. In his first full-scale news conference since taking office, Mr. Weinberger also said he favored production and deployment of the neutron bomb, which is relatively low in blast effect but high in lethal radiation, and kills without causing as much material damage as other nuclear weapons. That would reverse a policy of the Carter Administration, but Mr. Weinberger said such action would come only after consultation with allies. 'Sudden Change' Criticized The new Defense Secretary criticized the Carter Administration for what he called ''the sudden change'' in which President Carter decided not to deploy the neutron bomb ''to the consternation of the German Government as well as many others.''

Five men were charged in Manhattan yesterday with using secret information from employees of Morgan Stanley and Lehman Brothers Kuhn Loeb, two prominent investment banking houses, to buy stock in major companies that were ''the targets of confidential merger and acquisition discussions.'' Two of the men, E. Jacques Courtois Jr. and Adrian Antoniu, worked in key positions in mergers and acquisitions at the two investment banking firms. Both firms issued statements stressing that they were innocent victims of the reported scheme. John S. Martin Jr., the United States Attorney in Manhattan, thanked the two investment houses for cooperating in the Federal investigation, which began after the New York Stock Exchange noticed some suspicious trading patterns.

''We cannot ignore, let alone accept, the fact that, under the direction not of the workers but of instigators, Solidarity is being steered in the direction of political opposition.'' - Stanislaw Kania, Polish party leader. (A3:1.)

Long before Dennis W. McCarthy opened a brightly painted turquoise-and-white refinery here in 1975, the Federal Government had begun to build a vast regulatory framework to help keep the nation's small independent refineries in business. First came the ''tickets,'' which, starting in the late 1950's, gave them a share of oil imports without having to pay the duty. Then, after the 1973-74 Arab oil embargo, came a host of other special favors. But all that is gone now. Last week, President Reagan ordered the immediate abolition of most remaining controls over the price and allocation of oil in this country. A few minor rules remain until the end of March.

''F EED a cold, starve a fever,'' may be an adage much out of fashion, but at our house the first part of that recommendation still is considered gospel. (The second part we regard as highly suspect.) Although the current conventional wisdom offered by doctors is to eat only when you feel like eating, we stubbornly harbor the belief that taking nourishment is a positive vital life sign, much to be encouraged. The only real problem is to choose food or drink that is appealing enough to stand up to the classic symptoms of the cold: a stuffy, aching head, the congested nasal passages that knock out the sense of smell and so the sense of taste, and the general hot-cold malaise that tends to make ordinary food seem uninteresting.

International A bigger military role in the Mideast by Washington was sugggested by Defense Secretary Caspar W. Weinberger. In a news conference, he said that the Reagan Administration wanted to do everything it could to improve the defenses of Saudi Arabia. He also said he favored production and deployment of the neutron bomb, which is relatively low in blast effect but high in lethal radiation. (Page A1, Column 3.) Polish ''instigators'' were denounced by Stanislaw Kania, the Communist Party leader. He accused them of transforming the independent union into a political opposition and sowing anarchy. The attack came only three days after the union and the authorities reached an accord that has eased Poland's labor unrest, and Western diplomats theorized that the party was under pressure from Sovietbloc countries to maintain a harder line toward the labor movement. (A1:1-2.)

For nearly a century, the Headmasters Association has prided itself on harmony. This all-male association, many of whose 100 members are from some of the nation's most exclusive preparatory schools, has meticulously avoided controversy and shunned confrontation. For decades, it has met in secret and allowed no visitors. But that tranquillity may be shattered as the organization's 88th annual meeting begins today at a hotel in Princeton, N.J., and its members are asked to decide if the time has come to admit women.

Tax cuts must not be contingent on spending cuts, Treasury Secretary Donald T. Regan said, because businesses and individuals must be able to count on the tax cuts. But by the time the tax cut is voted, ''we will have forced the hand of Congress'' on spending reductions, Mr. Regan added. Budget Director David A. Stockman, meanwhile, said the tax-cut proposal and the budget-cutting plan would both be part of a ''balanced economic package,'' but said he would not ''hold tax cuts hostage forever.'' (Page A1.) New factory orders rose 1.9 percent in December, indicating underlying economic strength, and they increased 4.6 percent for the year, the Commerce Department said. Manufacturers' shipments rose during the month by five-tenths of 1 percent. The ratio of manufacturers' inventory to sales was steady at 1.55 to 1. (D1.)

Corrupt Polish officials feast on the fruits of office A2 Iraqis reported to get about 100 Soviet-made tanks A4 Around the World A5 Clark recommended for State Department despite reservations A7 Government/Politics Democrats in Illinois Legislature boycott Governor's speech A8 Stockman efforts to cut U.S. budget cause grumbling A20 Cuomo denounces Regan's stand on welfare grant increases B3 Times Sq. plan tied to grant program that Reagan opposes B4 Democrats tweaking Administration on debt limit D20 General Around the Nation A8 Mrs. Harris continues to maintain account of shooting B1 Four killed and eight injured in fire at Jersey home for elderly B1 The City B3 Many New Jersey 18-year-olds are driving to New York to drink B3 The Region B4 Aliens describe 2,000 mile tripin locked truck as ''hell'' B4 Health/Science Team at Duke University sets deep-diving pressure mark B6 Education/Welfare Admitting women confronts Headmasters Association B1 Features/Notes Woman in the news: G. H. Brundt- land, Norway's Prime Minister A6 About New York B3 Notes on People B5 Going Out Guide C20 Obituaries Margaret Craig McNamara, founder of reading program B6 The Living Section Food Cold comforts: a cook's elixirs for winter's ills C1 A Chinese chef rings in the new year C1 Lunchtime in Hollywood: deals a la carte C1 The 60-Minute Gourmet C3 Bachelor cooking learned late in life C3 Ban on rabbit's feet upsetting to French C4 Living Metropolitan Diary C2 Kitchen Equipment C3 Best Buys C4 Chasing away the demons of the Old year C6 Discoveries C9 Personal Health C10 New Yorkers, Etc. C16 Reporter's Notebook: the whirl of Paris couture C16 Arts/Entertainment Yoko Ono on her own in ''Walking on Thin Ice'' disk C17 Bill Henderson sings Mercer songs in Mercer style C17 Powell's memoirs, ''Faces in My Time'' is reviewed C21 Award winners in children's books are named C21 TV's ''Crisis at Central High'' relives integration in Little Rock C22 Story of Auschwitz is told by a survivor on WNET-TV C22 The 3 movie O'Neals are starring in separate films C22 Lena Horne is coming back to Broadway C24 American Theater stages ''Has 'Washington' Legs?'' C24 Sports Kush says there was a witness to confrontation with player B7 Nets interested in acquiring Gus Williams B7 Red Smith on the boxing situation B8 Missing fight promoter denies bank fraud, says life in danger B9 Chances of Garden fight card ap- pear even more remote B9 Wells Fargo seals documents in fraud suit B9 Islanders rout Kings, 8-1 B9 Knicks turn back Clippers, 101-98 B9 Silk and Morrow: Olympic partners, N.H.L. foes B9 Simmer of Kings found success through persistence B11 News Analysis Bernard D. Nossiter examines U.N. reaction to criticism A3 Editorials/Letters/Op-Ed Editorials A22 How to count foreign aid Bilingual education Rev. Falwell's innocence Professionals under pressure Letters A22 James Reston: Mr. Reagan and Hispanic schoolchildren A23 Russell Baker: the cold war and the door war A23 William E. Phipps: cremation is gaining ground A23 Charles McMillion: Suarez and the Spanish economy A23

Mayor Koch said yesterday that New York State's six-month-old strict law on pistols did not seem to be working and that he was prepared to request that special sections of the courts be set up to handle cases involving guns. Choosing his words carefully, the Mayor avoided saying outright that the new law was a failure. Nevertheless, the thrust of his comments was that changes were needed and that he was looking toward the courts to take the necessary steps. His principal concern, Mr. Koch said, is ''the slow rate of disposition'' of such cases by the courts since the law went into effect on Aug. 12. Essentially, the statute eliminates plea bargaining and requires minimum one-year terms for most defendants who have prior felony convictions and are found guilty of carrying unlicensed, loaded handguns.

Four residents of a boarding home for the elderly in Point Pleasant Beach, N.J., were killed last night when a smoky fire swept the three-story frame house, a hospital spokesman said. At least 15 other elderly persons were injured, eight of them seriously. Three bodies were found at the scene and one resident was declared dead at Point Pleasant Hospital, according to the spokesman, William Eastmond, the hospital's community relations director.

A chart in Business Day on Monday accompanying the first article in the series ''Your Taxes'' misstated the new ceiling on the dividend exclusion.