What was going on when I was born?

''I think it's important that they remember us, but I think it would be better that they remember not to have any more wars.'' - Melville T. Miller, World War I veteran. (B2:5.)

With enthusiasm, desperation and little regard for the elements, New Yorkers scattered to the outer territories for the Memorial Day weekend, kicking off the summer season on beaches, in parks and in vacation cottages. Under skies that stayed overcast and drizzly for much of the weekend, they left by the thousands, while those who were left behind celebrated the relative quiet of the city streets. ''On Memorial Day weekend you just feel you've got to do something out of the ordinary,'' said Marion Velez, a Manhattanite having a hot-dog-and-hamburger picnic yesterday with her family in a state park along the Palisades. ''It's sort of like a rite of passage. You have to do something to commemorate the beginning of it all.''

The pattern of single-family zoning in suburban settings around the metropolitan area is gradually cracking under the pressure of changing housing needs in the 1980's, according to many officials and consultants involved in the development process. More and more communities are allowing town houses to be built on large subdivisions as an alternative to detached single-family houses on plots ranging from a quarter acre to five acres. Though some locations are holding out, the direction is evident in northern Bergen County, in parts of Westchester County and in parts of northern Nassau County. The zoning changes stem in part from court decisions in New Jersey and more recently in Westchester that strike at ''exclusionary'' zoning. They also reflect a more recent desire to create housing for young families as school populations have declined.

Spain, depositing an instrument of ratification with the State Department, formally became the 16th member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization today. The action completed the acceptance of Spain by the other 15 nations in the defense alliance and cleared the way for Prime Minister Leopoldo Calvo Sotelo to attend a meeting in Bonn next week as a full NATO government leader. At that time there will be a flag-raising ceremony and other observances to mark Spain's becoming the first new member of NATO since West Germany joined in 1955. Application Procedure The NATO secretariat notified the Spanish Government Saturday that its membership application had been processed by the pact's 15 members.

Retailers' hopes are rising around the country for a gradual improvement in sales and earnings, starting in midsummer. The reasons, they say, are moderately improved sales of clothing and home furnishings in April and May and the expected benefits of a $45 billion addition in buying power from the further reduction of Federal income taxes and higher Social Security benefits, both of which become effective July 1. In addition, some think that the slowdown in inflation for food and fuel, if sustained in the months ahead, will spur consumers from their almost yearlong lethargy. Some See Earlier Improvement Although most retailers foresee their third fiscal quarter, beginning Aug. 1, as the period during which these positive factors come together, others are not writing off the current quarter, which has been under way only a month. ''We are looking for some improvement in the economy in this quarter, and we expect consumer spending will be the leading edge,'' said Robert A. Mooney, manager of corporate economics for the J.C. Penney Company of New York. ''It's not business spending that will lead us out of the recession because that tends to lag nine to l2 months after consumer spending picks up,'' he said.

Roman Catholics in this hilly town of Colonial heritage joined today in the annual worldwide observance of Pentecost, the feast marking the birth of the church nearly two millenniums ago, but there was little joy in their celebration. A bitter conflict has erupted over a decision by their Bishop to create a new parish by splitting the original one, St. Joseph's, into two parts. On the day before Pentecost, the Bishop, the Most Rev. Walter J. Curtis, officially decreed the formation of a new parish -Blessed Marguerite - and masses were scheduled for temporary quarters in a new restaurant at the far north end of town. Threats on Telephone But the masses in the Harbor Restaurant were canceled because of pressure brought on its owner by opponents of the split. Nick Kominos, the father of the owner, George Kominos, said his son had withdrawn his permission for the masses after several threatening phone calls appeared to jeopardize the success of his new enterprise.

The setting was a modern meeting room in an equally modern office building here, and the agenda was a discussion with reporters of last year's results of the British National Oil Corporation, just the sort of news conference that usually follows an annual meeting. But for the moment, the corporation has no shareholders and, hence, no annual meeting. ''Next year,'' Philip Shelbourne, the company's chairman, told the journalists during the meeting late last month, ''we hope to have some shareholders, plus you.'' Created in 1976 to develop North Sea oil on behalf of Britain, B.N.O.C. (often called BEE-knock in the industry) has been stateowned since its inception, in keeping with a conviction that Britain's most precious natural resource should be developed for the whole country.

International The loss of 12 British troops and the wounding of 31 Friday at Goose Green in the Falklands, the biggest battle so far in the war with Argentina, was announced by the Ministry of Defense in London. The ministry officially confirmed that another British force, operating along the north coast of East Falkland Island had captured without fighting two settlements about 30 miles from Stanley, the islands' capital. A battalion of Royal Marine commandos reportedly took Douglas and a battalion of paratroopers took Teal Inlet. (Page A1, Column 6.) Aerial attacks on the British fleet continued Argentina said. The joint military command in Buenos Aires reported that the ''nucleus'' of the fleet was attacked with bombs and Exocet missiles and that the ''damages are being evaluated.'' There was said to be evidence that the British carrier ''Invincible'' had been damaged, but this was denied by Britain. (A5:1-5.)

Because of an editing error, a dis- patch from San Salvador last Monday incorrectly reported the number of political parties that won seats in El Salvador's new Constitutent Assem- bly. Four rightist parties won 36 of the 60 assembly seats.

European nations, confused about American strategy and divided in their own policies, are facing the prospect of an economic upturn with only modest expectations. For the principal countries, the recession that was so pervasive just a year ago has receded. In its place has come growth - a discernible expansion but far from the robust growth of the past. The economies of the six major Common Market nations, for example, are likely to grow 1.2 percent this year after having contracted by one-tenth of 1 percent in 1981, according to a forecast by Data Resources Inc. But that considerable improvement, which is also expected to be accompanied by slower rates of inflation in most European countries, has only modestly eased the economic discouragement that pervades Europe, a phenomenon that Emile van Lennep, secretary general of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, calls ''Europessimism.''

''Europessimism'' has greeted a modest economic upturn in the six major Common Market countries. Even though their growth is expected to be 1.2 percent this year, the six nations will express uneasiness about the course of United States economic policy when they meet in Versailles, France, to discuss economic problems with the U.S., Japan and Canada. (Page D1.)

A staggering number of people and businesses are going bankrupt these days. And while it is generally accepted that the recession is causing most of the business failures, the consumer credit industry thinks that personal bankruptcies are increasing primarily as a result of recently liberalized Federal laws. Thus, in an effort to reduce its multibillion-dollar losses, the credit industry wants the laws revised. If the industry wanted to simply close loopholes in the 1978 amendments to the Bankruptcy Act, there would be little controversy. But the industry, led by the National Coalition for Bankruptcy Reform, has revived its decades-old attempt to radically alter the most fundamental concept of bankruptcy: that any debtor seeking a fresh start may turn over his assets to a court for disbursement to creditors and discharge of most debts. The coalition of 700 credit companies opposes this one-time, partial settlement. Most bankrupt persons, the industry contends, are relatively young wage earners who could repay a substantial portion of their debts over five years.