What was going on when I was born?

When stockholders gather here Thursday for the annual meeting of Pantry Pride Inc., they will be voting to settle a messy proxy fight that pits the supermarket chain's current management and operating philosophy against a group of outsiders determined to point the once-troubled company in a new direction. The fighting is bitter. Company stockholders have been bombarded from both sides with a series of sharply worded letters and full-page ads in major newspapers. On management's side, Grant C. Gentry, chairman and chief executive, is asking shareholders to continue a strategy of diversification and acquisition.

President Reagan completed his decisions on spending cuts in domestic programs for his 1986 budget, leaving him to decide whether to cut the military budget. That decision, which is not expected until next week, is central to the budget the President will send to Congress in January. Some top aides have said they expect him to accept a military slowdown. (Page A1.) Secretary Regan said New York State could lower its taxes if the Federal income tax system were revamped, because that would increase revenues for the state. (A1.) Felix G. Rohatyn, M.A.C.'s chairman, said the Treasury's plan would be ''lethal'' for New York where taxes are high because of ''Federal neglect.'' (D23.)

AMONG the food memories most indelibly etched in the mind are those involving the Christmas holidays. It is one time of the year that home cooks, even those who normally shun time- consuming meals, put out their best efforts for families and friends. Christmas is a time when extended families get together, and throughout the centuries food has been a symbol of unity and welcome during this season. I have been lucky enough to spend two consecutive Christmases in foreign countries, and my recollections of those holidays focus largely on the convivial meals I enjoyed with my surrogate families. Perhaps the most memorable meal of my life was my first Christmas Eve in France five years ago. It was in the Mediterranean seaside town of Agde, in the Languedoc province. I was invited by the family of my wife-to-be, Anne, to share their traditional dinner, which always began late, about 10 P.M.

''New York has a problem. But I submit New York's problem has always been they're a high-tax state.

Greece today threatened to veto longstanding plans to admit Spain and Portugal as members of the European Economic Community unless the community agrees to pay poor southern European farmers up to $5 billion in special aid over the next five years. As a result of this threat, issued by the Greek Prime Minister, Andreas Papandreou, a two-day meeting of Common Market heads of government ended in confusion and bitterness today, with other European leaders visibly angry at Greece's demands. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher of Britain said at a news conference that Greece's request was ''totally out of the question.'' Chancellor Helmut Kohl of West Germany and France's President, Francois Mitterrand, also rejected the Greek demand outright, according to their spokesmen. Other officials openly accused Greece of blackmailing the community.

The diesel- powered passenger car, which not all that long ago seemed on its way to capturing a big chunk of the American car market, now seems headed toward a dead end. The General Motors Corporation, the nation's largest auto maker, said today that it would quit offering the diesel option on all but one of its car lines after the current model year. It now offers diesels in various model lines of all five of its car divisions, from Chevrolet through Cadillac. General Motors said that the decision to drop diesels, which were once regarded as an important means of improving fuel economy, was a response to deeply depressed sales and more stringent emissions standards that are to go into effect next year.

A divided Federal appeals court in Manhattan ruled yesterday that prosecutors could not systematically exclude people from juries solely because of their race. The 2-to-1 decision, by the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, marks the first time that a Federal appellate court has invalidated such use of peremptory challenges, for which potential jurors can be rejected without cause. Such challenges have often been used to keep blacks and Hispanic people off juries. The decision, the latest in a series of conflicting rulings on the subject, upheld a lower-court ruling issued last year in Brooklyn.

New-car sales by the nation's major auto makers fell 14.2 percent in the last 10 days of November, surprising industry executives and analysts who were expecting the trend to continue upward from mid-November. Sales have been restrained recently by inventory shortages created by strikes at the General Motors Corporation and by a shortage of parts. Throughout November the companies produced cars at record levels and sales surged in the middle of the month, slightly above projections. But the companies reported today that, in the selling period that ended Nov. 30, deliveries totaled 186,721, down from 217,540 last year. That brought the seasonally adjusted annual selling rate to 6.4 million, down from 7.9 million for mid-November and 7.3 million for the end-of-November period in 1983.

T. Boone Pickens, the Texas oilman, said yesterday that he was planning to offer stockholders of the Phillips Petroleum Company $60 a share for at least 15 million shares, or 9.7 percent, of the nation's 12th-largest oil company. He added that if he arranged additional financing, he would increase his purchases by 8 million shares. Mr. Pickens and his partners already own 8.8 million shares of Phillips, or 5.7 percent of Phillips's shares outstanding. He said they would own 20.6 percent if they bought the two additional blocks.

Perhaps I am prejudiced, but it seems to me that the easiest of all gifts to select are those destined to be placed under the trees of dedicated cooks. If it is chosen with care, there is scarcely a kitchen item likely to be frowned upon, whether it is a well-designed rubber spatula, a no-nonsense apron, a solid- bottom saucepan or kettle, a heavy- duty electric mixer or an outdoor barbecue. And, happily for both gift giver and receiver, the kitchen is one of the few areas where there need be no fear of duplication. I have yet to meet a serious saucemaker, pastry chef or any other cook who felt that one wire whisk was enough, or a single food processor for that matter.

A report in the Company Briefs column of Business Day yesterday misstated the price paid by the Fujisawa Pharmaceutical Company for Lymphomed Inc. It was $17.50 a share.

THE idea of Hanukkah without latkes would be as unacceptable to many Jews as a bagel without lox. Latkes, or potato pancakes, have long been considered a traditional part of the holiday celebration. Yet it is not the latkes but the oil in which they are fried that symbolizes the occasion. It commemorates the miracle of the temple lamp that burned for eight days on a day's worth of oil after Judas Maccabeus's victory over King Antiochus of Syria in 165 B.C. Thus it is that the holiday, which this year begins on the evening of Dec. 18, lasts eight days. Only the Jews of Eastern European or Ashkenazi origin insist that the food prepared in the oil be latkes. Among Sephardic Jews, who settled throughout the Middle East, North Africa and southern Europe after the Diaspora, various dishes are deep-fried. The fritters called bimuelos are their typical Hanukkah treat, the name deriving from the Spanish for fritters, bunuelos.