What was going on when I was born?

President Reagan today telephoned William J. Schroeder, the recipient of an artificial heart, to wish him well. But the patient immediately complained about getting a ''runaround'' on his Social Security benefits.

The United States told Belgium and the Netherlands today that the chances for progress in forthcoming negotiations with the Soviet Union would be set back if they did not carry out commitments to deploy American cruise missiles. American and allied officials said the message was conveyed by Secretary of State George P. Shultz in meetings here with Belgian and Dutch officials. An aide to Mr. Shultz said he had found the meetings ''positive.'' ''They told us they would do their best to do their duty, but they also pointed out the problems they have,'' the aide said.

The Economy ''Remarkably tight'' credit conditions are slowing the economy, Treasury Secretary Regan charged. His criticism of Paul A. Volcker, the chairman of the Federal Reserve, was the most pointed made by the Administration in months. Mr. Regan also said it was ''possible but not probable'' that the economic lull would turn into a recession. Discussing tax overhaul, he said he was sounding out proponents of rival plans to see how to combine the best elements of their proposals. (Page A1.) Some oil prices hit their lowest level of the year as speculation mounted that Norway and Britain would cut prices, possibly forcing OPEC to follow. Warm weather was also cited. Crude oil for delivery in January closed at $26.72, down 53 cents a barrel for the day and off $3 since the end of September. (D1.)

Treasury Secretary Donald T. Regan charged today that Paul A. Volcker's ''remarkably tight'' management of the money supply was slowing economic growth and hurting the Christmas shopping season. This was the Administration's most extensive and pointed public criticism of the Federal Reserve chairman in months. The Federal Reserve System, the nation's central bank, is an independent agency that is not directly answerable to the President. Mr. Regan, answering reporters' questions, said it was ''possible but not probable'' that the current economic lull would turn into a recession. He forecast slight improvement during the next six months but said it would probably be mid-1985 before the economy returned to the 4 percent growth rate that the Administration is counting on to help reduce Federal budget deficits.

Remember flavored ketchup? Frozen cookie dough? Liquid brown sugar, toaster pizza, low calorie cake mix? Probably not. They were among the new products that have come tumbling onto the market in record numbers in recent years. And they, like all but a few of the rest, tumbled right off again. In November alone, according to Dancer Fitzgerald Sample Inc., a New York advertising agency, 196 new products were introduced, the second-highest monthly total that Dancer has ever reported. As few as one in ten, some marketing experts say, are likely to survive. Indeed, bringing out something new is risky business. And as a result, the experts say, more and more manufacturers are playing it safe, introducing variations of established brands - cheap imitations, some say - rather than interesting new departures.

The head of the United States food relief program said today that Ethiopia was ''biting the hand'' that feeds it by blaming Western nations for the extent of the famine devastating it. The official, M. Peter McPherson, head of the Agency for International Development, was asked at a news conference to respond to charges made Tuesday in Addis Ababa by Dawit Wolde Giorgis, head of Ethiopia's Relief and Rehabilitation Commission, and he said: ''We reject them. It is absurd.'' In his news conference and in a speech earlier in the day before the United States Chamber of Commerce, Mr. McPherson defended the American relief effort, calling it the largest in the world, and criticized Ethiopia's handling of famine relief.

International Iran indicated adamance against extradicting four men who hijacked a Kuwaiti airliner to Teheran last week and killed two Americans, according to an Iranian press account. It said the position was suggested by Prime Minister Mir Hussein Moussavi. (Page A1, Column 1.) Ethiopia is ''biting the hand'' that feeds it by blaming Western countries for the extent of the famine devastating the country, according to M. Peter McPherson, the head of the United States food relief program. Mr. McPherson defended the American relief effort, calling it the largest in the world, and charged that Ethiopian officials were not cooperating with American efforts to have huge amounts of food unloaded at ports, preferring to use their limited harbor facilities to unload cement. (A1:2-3.)

REALITY dictates that it would be nearly impossible to renovate and decorate a Manhattan studio apartment - floor to ceiling, door to windows - for only $2,000. In fact, keeping to a budget twice that figure would be no simple feat. Unless the decorator-renovator is a designer who can buy wholesale, has talented friends in convenient places and is so handy with hammer and nails that he can build his own loft bed from scrap lumber gleaned from streets. ''Why pay for it?'' James Franklin Mitchell said. ''It was just a question of finding a few 2-by-4's.''

The Crown Zellerbach Corporation, a large paper and forest products concern, last night said it had been notified by Sir James Goldsmith, the British industrialist, that an investment company he heads intends to buy enough stock to give it 15 to 25 percent of Crown's outstanding shares. The bid would make Mr. Goldsmith's company, General Oriental Investments Ltd., by far the largest stockholder of the San Francisco based concern, and a threat to the company's current management. In a statement, Crown said that Sir James's letter of intent, received yesterday afternoon, was ''unilateral,'' ''unsolicited'' and not in the best interests of the company. Called a Surprise A spokesman for Crown, Delos Knight, said Sir James's plan came as a surprise.

''I filed March of 1984 for Social Security and I'm just getting a run-around-I'm not getting anything at all.

Secretary of Defense Caspar W. Weinberger proposed limited savings in military spending today as pressure grew within the Reagan Administration for a one-year delay in the military buildup. Officials said the offer was well short of the proposed three- year slowdown in military spending that is being urged on the President by his budget director, David A. Stockman. Estimates of the Defense Secretary's proposals varied, particularly regarding their effect over three years. But for next year's budget, the saving was said to be something less than the $8 billion that some of Mr. Reagan's advisers are urging.

DALE BURG would love to know something about her neighbors, something she says she would never dare to ask. She drops oblique hints, hoping they will volunteer a fact or two. She wonders about them when they're not around and glances at them as they walk by. But she doesn't say a thing. ''Of course I wouldn't ask them how much they tip,'' she said of the holiday gifts she and other tenants give the staff of her Upper East Side building. ''I wouldn't ask them how much they tip like I wouldn't ask them how much they earn.'' Tipping at Christmastime has become a rule without rules: Almost everyone feels he is supposed to do it, but few are sure exactly whom to tip and how much.