What was going on when I was born?

CHRISTOPHE DE MENIL has been living in her East Side town house for 20 years and it's almost, but not quite, completed. That's partly because she was only a tenant for several years and partly because she had no clear vision of what she wanted her home to look like. Nor could she simply turn over the design to an architect or a decorator. She comes from a family of art collectors and patrons of the arts, has devoted herself for many years to nourishing undiscovered talent, especially in music and dance, and last year became an artist of sorts herself, designing a line of extravagant evening clothes. With that background, it was natural for her to work with several artists in the design of her home and to be involved in every esthetic decision from the selection of the furniture to the exact height of the countertop work space in the kitchen to the presence of a swimming pool on the first floor.

''I feel stunned, shocked and ashamed by what has happened. It is a night of shame for Liverpool.

An 11th-hour bid by a Cincinnati savings and loan association for the Home State Savings Bank was accepted by Ohio savings and loan officials yesterday. That ended the effort by the Chemical New York Corporation to establish a full-service commercial bank in the state. The winning bid was submitted by the Hunter Savings Association, a subsidiary of the American Financial Corporation, which is controlled by Carl H. Lindner, the Cincinnati financier. It came only hours before a Tuesday night deadline on offers for Home State, which closed its doors in early March after runs on its accounts by depositors.

A new Reagan Administration program to subsidize farm exports has upset United States allies in Europe and has drawn an unexpectedly cool reaction from American farmers, who say it has already depressed prices for their wheat and other commodities. In addition, the program has deeply divided the Administration. Agriculture Secretary John R. Block supports it as a way to help American farmers regain foreign markets. But the State Department, the Office of Management and Budget and the Office of the United States Trade Representative have expressed serious doubts about the wisdom and efficacy of the program. Under the program, announced May 15, the United States will give away $2 billion of Government-owned surplus commodities as bonuses to stimulate foreign buying of American farm products in the next three years. Details of the program have not yet been worked out. The bonuses are presumably designed to give foreign purchasers more for their money and to help American exporters undercut foreign competition by selling at reduced prices.

THURSDAY, MAY 30, 1985 The Tax Revision Plan Resistance to President Reagan's plan to redesign the income tax system started taking shape, with Congressional critics and lobbyists protesting particular elements. But Mr. Reagan warned that item-by-item revision of his proposal could endanger a ''historic'' attempt to make the tax law fairer. [Page A1.] Submitting the plan to Congress, he defended its more contentious aspects, including the repeal of state and local deductions. [A16.] Top officials in New York State, meanwhile, warned that Albany and local government swould come under fierce pressure to cut its taxes and the services those taxes pay for if the President's plan passes unaltered. [A1.]

King Hussein said today that Jordan and the Palestine Liberation Organization were now in agreement on holding peace talks with Israel under the ''umbrella'' of an international conference. After a meeting with President Reagan, the Jordanian leader also said the P.L.O., after years of refusing to do so, agreed that the talks be held on the basis of ''the pertinent United Nations resolutions, including Security Council Resolutions 242 and 338,'' which sought to establish a framework for peace. For the last 10 years, acceptance of the two resolutions has been stated by the United States as a condition for American dealings with the P.L.O. Jordan has always accepted the two resolutions, but the P.L.O has balked. Statement Called 'Significant' A senior American official termed the King's statement ''significant'' but said the United States would need an ''unequivocal'' statement from the P.L.O. itself before acting on it.

FOR most couples, pregnancy is a time of anticipation: Is it a boy or girl, is it healthy, who will it resemble? A small number of couples, however, want to take the mystery out of pregnancy: They want their child to be a particular sex, and they are willing to pay thousands of dollars, listen to anybody or try any method that promises to change the odds of conceiving a boy or girl. By using special douches, charting body temperatures or having sperm treated before the mother is inseminated, the couple is told, a child of the coveted sex will be born. According to an informal survey of obstetricians, fertility experts and experimental geneticists from around the country, these couples are mostly being fooled by false promises. No sex preselection method has yet been proven effective according to the rigorous standards of professional medical journals. And those who promote the various techniques say that none are guaranteed.

A retired Navy lieutenant commander who taught antisubmarine tactics was arrested today and charged with participating in a Soviet spy ring that included his brother and nephew. The Federal Bureau of Investigation, in an affidavit prepared for the case, said the retired officer, Arthur J. Walker, admitted that in September 1980 he began turning over secret documents to his brother. The documents included ''files, photographs, booklets and defense plans relating to United States naval forces,'' the F.B.I. said. Serious Breach Is Feared Navy officials have said the case is one of the most serious security breaches in the history of the service. They have been particularly concerned about the transmission of sensitive information on the ability of American forces to track Soviet submarines.

Neurosurgeons, obstetricians and orthopedic surgeons across upstate New York, both in groups and individually, are beginning to restrict their practices sharply because they say they can no longer afford malpractice insurance premiums. Of six neurosurgeons in private practice in Syracuse, one is leaving the state, one returned today from job interviews in South Carolina and the four others have announced that they will no longer do surgery after July 1. In Albany dozens of obstetricians have said they will see no new obstetric patients after June 1, restricting their practice to gynecology. In Buffalo many orthopedic surgeons have decided not to practice surgery after July 1, confining themselves to general practice in their offices.

President Amin Gemayel was reported to have narrowly escaped injury today when artillery shells and rockets struck the presidential palace in the predominantly Christian suburb of Baabda. The incident occurred during a flare-up of artillery exchanges between Christian and Moslem militiamen across the Green Line that divides Beirut and in the hills to the east, but the source of the rockets and shellfire was not clear. The bombardment was apparently unrelated to the bitter fighting between armed Palestinians and Shiite militiamen and soldiers that has been going on for the last 11 days in and around three Palestinian refugee settlements in the south of Beirut. Talks in Syria After the incident, Mr. Gemayel flew to Damascus for emergency talks with President Hafez al-Assad of Syria. Mr. Gemayel was expected to seek Syrian assistance in putting an end to the latest wave of violence, and there was speculation here that he would ask Mr. Assad to order Syrian troops into Beirut to halt the fighting.

Resistance to President Reagan's ambitious plan to redesign the Federal income tax system started to take shape today as Congressional critics and lobbyists protested particular elements. But Mr. Reagan and others in his Administration warned that item-by-item revision of his proposal could endanger a ''historic'' attempt to make the tax law fairer for Americans. Legislators from both parties, some advocating restoration of specific tax breaks and others arguing that the President had been too willing to retain various deductions, criticized the plan today. Groups ranging from the oil and gas industry to Ralph Nader's organization took issue with individual aspects of the package.

State and local governments in New York would come under fierce public pressure to cut their own taxes, and the services the taxes pay for, if President Reagan's Federal tax-revision plan passes unaltered, top state officials said today. None offered specific suggestions as to what might have to be cut. One of them, Comptroller Edward V. Regan, said that he felt uncomfortable talking about possible accommodations to a program that he was politically trying to defeat. Not everyone agrees that abolishing deductions for taxes would harm residents of high-tax states, however, and two Democratic Congressmen at the first hearing on the tax proposal sharply disagreed on its effect. [Page A17.] 'I'm Going to Move'