What was going on when I was born?

Politicians take a binary view of their work -- it is either win or lose. After election day, winners, in particular, prefer to put the sordid business of campaigning behind them and get on with the sordid business of governing. The election of 1990, however, brought out so many odd notions, weird statements and inglorious actions that it seems a shame to just stow them away. There is more to campaigning than victory and defeat; in every election, there are winning moments, failures of nerve, losses of memory and appalling lapses of taste. There ought to be awards to commemorate those things that politicians prefer to forget and voters can't help but remember. Apple Pie and Motherhood Award To Gov. James J. Blanchard of Michigan, who quietly pressured his 78-year- old Lieutenant Gover nor, Martha Griffiths, to get off the ticket. He said he was afraid she wouldn't be able to succeed him as Governor should the need arise. She, taking refuge in the eternal verities of politics, concluded: "You help some S.O.B. get what he wants and then he throws you out of the train." Of Mr. Blanchard, she added, "He has a right to do what he wants to do. And after the election we'll see what he should have done." Mr. Blanchard lost. Most Money Raised in Nickels and Dimes Everyone laughed when Lawton Chiles said he would run on the cheap, accepting no more than $100 from each campaign donor. After all, the incumbent, Bob Martinez, was going after the big bucks and eventually raised 10 million of them. But all those little envelopes addressed "Lawton Chiles" added up. He amassed $7.5 million in this petty cash -- and he won. Most Machiavellian Moment Cynical Democrats in New York often say that Gov. Mario M. Cuomo likes having the Republican-controlled State Senate to blame for the state's failings. When he campaigned for Democratic State Senate candidates, they wondered, was his heart in it? Ask Cynthia F. Johnson. When the Governor showed up to campaign for her in Westchester, he wound up spending most of the time reciting the virtues of the incumbent -- Mary B. Goodhue, Republican. Biggest Opportunity Missed Democrats dithered while Representative Newt Gingrich's opponent, David Worley, begged for money. They begrudgingly came up with a measly $5,000. Why waste money on a candidate who couldn't possibly win against the House minority whip? Candidate With the Most Audacity A tough call in a campaign where President Bush, stumping for the Republican candidate for Governor in Honolulu, renewed his pledge of no new taxes, saying he was "absolutely going to hold the line" -- a few weeks after agreeing to raise taxes during the budget summit. However, the winner is Marion S. Barry Jr., the former mayor of Washington, D.C., an admitted addict who was convicted of drug possession. Campaigning for the City Council, he joined an anti-drug patrol for a night and donned a bright orange baseball cap emblazoned with the words, "dope fighter." State Representative Ellis Levin of Illinois deserved an honorable mention: Mr. Levin ran ads saying that his reputation had "earned him special recognition by Chicago Magazine." He had indeed -- for being one of the ten worst legislators. Most Money Spent to Least Effect The prize goes to Clayton Williams, who spent $8 million dollars of his own money -- or $4.40 a vote -- in his $18 mil lion effort to become governor of Texas, which may explain why, as he conceded the race to the Democrat Ann Richards, his wife wept. Wheel of Fortune Pierre A. Rinfret, the Republican candidate for Governor in New York, was nominated after 19 other potential candidates turned down the offer. Mr. Rinfret had his rendezvous with destiny when a friend of State Senator Roy M. Goodman came across his name -- in a Rolodex. America's Funniest Home Video Paul Wellstone, a college professor who was Minnesota's Democratic candidate for the Senate, could have got an Emmy for his witty TV commercials. In one, he pulled a "Roger and Me" against his opponent, the incumbent Rudy Boschwitz, a Republican, by trooping with a camera to Boschwitz campaign headquarters, and St. Paul office, filming real-life secretaries and aides giving contradictory information about the Senator's whereabouts. He didn't receive any television awards; he merely unseated Mr. Boschwitz. Biggest War Chest Representative Mel Levine, a California Democrat, had only token opposition. But that didn't keep him from raising money. The result? He ended the race with the most leftover cash of any member of Congress: $1.7 million. Look for him to use it in a bid to succeed Pete Wilson as Senator. Mr. Smith Leaves Washington Number of Smiths in the 101st Congress: 9. In the next Congress: 5. Cleanest Campaign The day before the vote, Senator David L. Boren, a Democrat who is a stickler for neatness, offered Oklahoma citizens 10 cents for every Boren for Senate campaign sign that they picked up and returned to his campaign offices. Those who returned bigger (3 by 4 feet) signs were awarded a dollar. Oldest Candidate in the Campaign for U.S. Senate Strom Thurmond, 87. When he ends the term in 1997, he will be the oldest Senator in American history. Most Embarrassing Moment Dianne Feinstein was so nervous before her one gubernatorial debate with the Republican, Senator Pete Wilson, that she scribbled some answers in ballpoint on her hand. When her opponent mockingly accused her of "cribbing," she explained that she hadn't secreted away "Archimedes's Principles." She merely wanted to remember her campaign slogans: "education, growth and choice." Best Soap Opera Di vorced spouses who air their grievances at in convenient times are hardly new in politics, but in Michigan, BOTH candidates for Gover nor were plagued with ex-wives who wrote kick-and-tell autobiographies. Paula Blanchard, the ex-wife of the Democratic incumbent James J. Blanchard, sold excerpts of her memoir to The Detroit News. Colleen Engler, wife of the Republican challenger, John Engler, showed more restraint, promising not to submit her manuscript until after the election. Her decision may have been more shrewd than generous. Now that her husband has won re-election, isn't the book worth much more?

JANE and Michael Stern live on a secluded wooded knoll in Connecticut, in a nice Colonial house painted yellow with black shutters. An American flag flutters over their front door; near the driveway, a stone hippopotamus nudges two plastic flamingos. The Sterns are both 44 years old -- with birthdays two days apart and their wedding date in the middle -- and have just celebrated their 20th anniversary by getting flu shots and buying a late-model vacuum cleaner. They also happen to be celebrating the publication of "The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste" ($29.99, Harper Collins Publishers), a hefty compendium of what they describe as "the underbelly of American culture," from accordion music to zoot suits.

A man carrying a sawed-off shotgun marched onto Red Square with the 73d Revolution Day parade today and fired two shots not far from where President Mikhail S. Gorbachev was presiding over an unusually discordant holiday. The gunman, who was identified only as a 38-year-old resident of Leningrad, was quickly carried off struggling by a swarm of plainclothes K.G.B. agents.

A divisive, tumultuous midterm election has ended with a striking new class of governors, a strengthened Democratic majority in Congress and some ominous signals for President Bush and other potential candidates in 1992. After days of strenuous campaigning in Sun Belt states where Republicans hoped to build on the Reagan legacy, Mr. Bush saw both his party's candidates and his prestige suffer in Tuesday's voting.

The nation's voters didn't much like the choices presented to them in Tuesday's midterm elections. Only a third of those eligible to do so even bothered to cast ballots. On the face of it, those who did liked incumbents best, as long as they worked far away -- on Capitol Hill, not in the state capital. But while only one senator and about 15 representatives were unseated, dozens of others got the scares of their lives, and scores found their accustomed margins of victory cut.

Seemingly chastened, Gov. Jim Florio of New Jersey said yesterday that the near defeat of Senator Bill Bradley on Tuesday had sent a "humbling message" aimed at himself and his aggressive tax and social policies, and that he was opening his entire legislative program to revision. That would include New Jersey's new school-financing law, which is shifting large amounts of state aid from rich school districts to poorer ones.

In this city where relationships mean power, a former Harvard Business School professor who has the ear of Treasury Secretary Nicholas F. Brady, who himself has the ear of President Bush, may well become the Administration's strongest voice in reshaping the nation's banking system. At a time when Congress will be considering the most sweeping revisions in banking since the New Deal, Robert R. Glauber is the Adminstration's point man. A relative newcomer who is only beginning to become hardened to Washington's battles, Mr. Glauber has earned Mr. Brady's confidence. Now the question is whether Congress will listen.

The Bush Administration is divided over a long-pending application by Taiwan to join the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade, the 100-nation agency that oversees global trade. Taiwan's bid to join GATT is strenuously opposed by China, whose application for membership was put on hold after the June 1989 massacre of students at Tiananmen Square. The State Department is siding with China, unwilling to risk its support on several foreign policy fronts. One of five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council, China voted to impose sanctions against Iraq after its invasion of Kuwait on Aug. 2.

Citicorp, embarrassed by the high rates it has had to pay in recent weeks, announced plans yesterday to redeem some of its preferred stock. The announcement quickly helped Citicorp, which was able to auction a $75 million issue of preferred stock at about midday at a 7.48 percent yield for 49 days. Last Friday, it paid 12.50 percent for similar securities; it has been paying 12 percent to 13 percent for the past two weeks.

DANIEL is a little boy who adored his Uncle Tim. He remembers him as "more fun than any other grown-up I knew." They used to go for long walks in the woods, and tried to outwit each other in hard-fought battles of checkers. Then one winter Uncle Tim began to stay home and sleep a lot, and Daniel's mother told him the awful truth: Uncle Tim had AIDS.

President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt said today that the coalition allied against Iraq should wait "at least two to three more months" to determine whether the economic sanctions were able to force President Saddam Hussein to withdraw from Kuwait. But he warned President Hussein that if he did not pull his troops out, war was inevitable with "the greatest concentration of military force I have ever seen in this area." "There will be no other way way out," Mr. Mubarak declared. "I am not bluffing. I don't think the United States is bluffing. How can Saddam Hussein make such a miscalculation of his situation? It is very dangerous for him, very dangerous. I wonder how he cannot realize that."

The defeat of the $2 billion environmental bond act on Tuesday leaves communities throughout New York State with few ways to pay for urgent and costly landfill and recycling programs, many of them required by law. As a result, residents already confronting a weakened economy may be faced with higher local property taxes, increased fees or service cuts in some towns to pay for measures mandated by state law, like the closing of leaking garbage landfills. New York City and Long Island may be particularly hard hit in a region that has all but run out of places to dump its waste.