May 31, 1982

''I think it's important that they remember us, but I think it would be better that they remember not to have any more wars.'' - Melville T. Miller, World War I veteran. (B2:5.)

With enthusiasm, desperation and little regard for the elements, New Yorkers scattered to the outer territories for the Memorial Day weekend, kicking off the summer season on beaches, in parks and in vacation cottages. Under skies that stayed overcast and drizzly for much of the weekend, they left by the thousands, while those who were left behind celebrated the relative quiet of the city streets. ''On Memorial Day weekend you just feel you've got to do something out of the ordinary,'' said Marion Velez, a Manhattanite having a hot-dog-and-hamburger picnic yesterday with her family in a state park along the Palisades. ''It's sort of like a rite of passage. You have to do something to commemorate the beginning of it all.''

The pattern of single-family zoning in suburban settings around the metropolitan area is gradually cracking under the pressure of changing housing needs in the 1980's, according to many officials and consultants involved in the development process. More and more communities are allowing town houses to be built on large subdivisions as an alternative to detached single-family houses on plots ranging from a quarter acre to five acres. Though some locations are holding out, the direction is evident in northern Bergen County, in parts of Westchester County and in parts of northern Nassau County. The zoning changes stem in part from court decisions in New Jersey and more recently in Westchester that strike at ''exclusionary'' zoning. They also reflect a more recent desire to create housing for young families as school populations have declined.

Spain, depositing an instrument of ratification with the State Department, formally became the 16th member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization today. The action completed the acceptance of Spain by the other 15 nations in the defense alliance and cleared the way for Prime Minister Leopoldo Calvo Sotelo to attend a meeting in Bonn next week as a full NATO government leader. At that time there will be a flag-raising ceremony and other observances to mark Spain's becoming the first new member of NATO since West Germany joined in 1955. Application Procedure The NATO secretariat notified the Spanish Government Saturday that its membership application had been processed by the pact's 15 members.

Retailers' hopes are rising around the country for a gradual improvement in sales and earnings, starting in midsummer. The reasons, they say, are moderately improved sales of clothing and home furnishings in April and May and the expected benefits of a $45 billion addition in buying power from the further reduction of Federal income taxes and higher Social Security benefits, both of which become effective July 1. In addition, some think that the slowdown in inflation for food and fuel, if sustained in the months ahead, will spur consumers from their almost yearlong lethargy. Some See Earlier Improvement Although most retailers foresee their third fiscal quarter, beginning Aug. 1, as the period during which these positive factors come together, others are not writing off the current quarter, which has been under way only a month. ''We are looking for some improvement in the economy in this quarter, and we expect consumer spending will be the leading edge,'' said Robert A. Mooney, manager of corporate economics for the J.C. Penney Company of New York. ''It's not business spending that will lead us out of the recession because that tends to lag nine to l2 months after consumer spending picks up,'' he said.