December 5, 1984

When stockholders gather here Thursday for the annual meeting of Pantry Pride Inc., they will be voting to settle a messy proxy fight that pits the supermarket chain's current management and operating philosophy against a group of outsiders determined to point the once-troubled company in a new direction. The fighting is bitter. Company stockholders have been bombarded from both sides with a series of sharply worded letters and full-page ads in major newspapers. On management's side, Grant C. Gentry, chairman and chief executive, is asking shareholders to continue a strategy of diversification and acquisition.

President Reagan completed his decisions on spending cuts in domestic programs for his 1986 budget, leaving him to decide whether to cut the military budget. That decision, which is not expected until next week, is central to the budget the President will send to Congress in January. Some top aides have said they expect him to accept a military slowdown. (Page A1.) Secretary Regan said New York State could lower its taxes if the Federal income tax system were revamped, because that would increase revenues for the state. (A1.) Felix G. Rohatyn, M.A.C.'s chairman, said the Treasury's plan would be ''lethal'' for New York where taxes are high because of ''Federal neglect.'' (D23.)

AMONG the food memories most indelibly etched in the mind are those involving the Christmas holidays. It is one time of the year that home cooks, even those who normally shun time- consuming meals, put out their best efforts for families and friends. Christmas is a time when extended families get together, and throughout the centuries food has been a symbol of unity and welcome during this season. I have been lucky enough to spend two consecutive Christmases in foreign countries, and my recollections of those holidays focus largely on the convivial meals I enjoyed with my surrogate families. Perhaps the most memorable meal of my life was my first Christmas Eve in France five years ago. It was in the Mediterranean seaside town of Agde, in the Languedoc province. I was invited by the family of my wife-to-be, Anne, to share their traditional dinner, which always began late, about 10 P.M.

''New York has a problem. But I submit New York's problem has always been they're a high-tax state.

Greece today threatened to veto longstanding plans to admit Spain and Portugal as members of the European Economic Community unless the community agrees to pay poor southern European farmers up to $5 billion in special aid over the next five years. As a result of this threat, issued by the Greek Prime Minister, Andreas Papandreou, a two-day meeting of Common Market heads of government ended in confusion and bitterness today, with other European leaders visibly angry at Greece's demands. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher of Britain said at a news conference that Greece's request was ''totally out of the question.'' Chancellor Helmut Kohl of West Germany and France's President, Francois Mitterrand, also rejected the Greek demand outright, according to their spokesmen. Other officials openly accused Greece of blackmailing the community.